Emotional Support Typewriter

Look, we’ve all wanted to arrest and charge our parents for committing first-degree emotional damage. Some of us spend our entire adult lives trying to recover from our childhoods, searching for an over-the-bar counter medication to treat our severe cases of co-dependenci-itis, trauma-tory infections, and me-so-feeling-woe-ma. But what if, in addition to therapy, ayahuasca, and Burning Man, you can also own an everyday Emotional Support Typewriter???!!! And that’s why you need to buy this circa 1930s Underwood No. 5! Not gonna lie. This is a ‘project typewriter’. It needs TLC, maintenance, and some old-school fidgeting & fondling to bring it back to life and functioning like a rockstar. Then again, aren’t we all just ‘project people’? Heal this typewriter and you might just heal yourself. Once you’ve resurrected your Emotional Support Typewriter, turn off all your smart devices, sit down, and start writing. Write a letter to your younger self. Tell your child-self that it wasn’t your fault. Write a letter to your parents, be they alive or dead. Tell them that you acquit them, or convict them, and why. And lastly, write a letter to your homie. “Homie” is defined as the one with whom you feel At Home. They’re your warm bath, your morning pancakes, your mac & cheese con ketchup. Your homie can stand on 2 legs or 4 legs. Whether you choose to buy or ignore this Emotional Support Typewriter, I hope you are safe now…or will be soon. Cheers. Pick-up in Danville. Cash/Venmo accepted. PS. This typewriter in its current condition can still deliver that satisfying bell sound.