Need Someone To Cut My Hair Into a Mohawk

I have nothing to offer aside from a gnarly hi-five in return. I want to be up front about that part. Times tuff, unfortunately, but hey, free practice, or maybe you're just someone with clippers and a desire to kill time or boredom. My head would be oh so grateful. All I have are homedepot razors for a razor knife, and I can't foresee that concluding with a satisfaction type feeling or ending blood free. So for mercy on my poor soul, I could use a hand...or help....maybe a solid? I can come to you. I'm not obnoxiously weird, rude, or disrespectful, just a guy without clippers or any talent at cutting hair (and without any money...) if you know a guy who knows a guy (lol gonna regret that), hit me up please, thankyou for your attention and time. Take care.