The Homeliest Couch You’ll Ever Love

Brand

LEE INDUSTRIES

I am deeply conflicted. Not about American polarization, the war in Gaza, the China South Sea conflict, and the plethora of worldwide problems polluting my social media so that I get my daily exercise of recreational outrage. Nope. My inner turmoil is caused by the selling of this couch. Because you see…(this is where I break into a song) This is the MOST COMFORTABLE COUCH EVER MADE! 100% Down-filled! Modular! Can be reconfigured into a sectional. Number of pieces: 3 2-seater 1 corner 1 armless Dimensions: A) 2-seater & 1 corner 120” L 38” D 32” H B) 1 Armless 38” L 38” D 32” H Retail: $8k new This couch, made by the American company Lee Industries, HANDCRAFTED by American people, FOR Americans (or whoever filed their taxes on time), is the perfect example of Cozy Ugly. Yep. Cozy Ugly, like my Crocs, my Honda, my highschool boyfriend from marching band. I won’t deny its hideous upholstery that looks like it came straight out of a Golden Girls episode. I won’t even deny that the stubborn color and embroidery won’t match with anything except a Playboy mansion knock-off in Reno. I just won’t. And if I was a decent citizen instead of a furniture seller, I’d keep this couch. How well-made is this couch? This couch was so masterfully made that at least 5 craftspeople took it upon themselves to personally sign the tag, like proud artists with their paintings. That’s how! (The last time I put my signature on something was for a student loan at an interest rate of 500% for, wait for it, a Liberal Arts degree…clearly I was very Liberal with my sense of financial illiteracy. At least the folks at Lee Industries know what they’re doing.) So comfy you can just sink in but bouncy enough to offer that vital back-support. This couch is made for marathon lounging. Broke a hip and can’t climb the stairs to your bedroom? Had a fight with your morally superior spouse? This couch is the solution! Because this couch is 10 years old, and like all things that which are Cozy Ugly, this couch has imperfections of which can be easily remedied with professional reupholstery. 1) Some sun-fading 2) Slight scratches and fraying Give it a makeover and it will last you a life time! Once you sit on this couch, you’ll realize this is the ONE couch you’ve been waiting for your entire life. And that’s why I’m so conflicted. A part of me doesn’t want to part with this couch, particularly when I’m so partial to its p—just stop. Sorry. Jonathan Adler Tiger Emerald Rug & Rug Pad from Ruggable can also be purchased for $500! 9’ x 12’ 1 year old! Hardly used! Southwestern throw blanket & boho lumbar pillow can be included free of charge! Pick-up in Westside Danville. Cash/Venmo accepted. You’re welcome to ask “Is this still available?” just like you’re welcome to march for more non-fat cheese from your grocer. It’s a free country!